You share a break room, a deadline and maybe a desk. You know how she takes her coffee and which meetings she dreads. Over the past few weeks, though, something has shifted. She comes in late and leaves early. She stares at her screen without typing. She made a dark joke at lunch that nobody laughed at.

It can feel like it is not your place. You are a colleague, not family. But coworkers often notice changes first, simply because they see each other so often. Caring about the person at the next desk is not overstepping.

Find a private moment

Never raise this in front of others. Ask if she wants to grab a coffee, take a walk around the building or sit in your car at lunch. Keep it low key.

Then speak plainly and kindly:

  • I hope this is all right to say. You have seemed really stressed lately, and I wanted to check on you.
  • I am not asking as a work thing. I am asking as someone who cares how you are.
  • You do not have to tell me anything. I just want you to know I noticed.

Make it clear that you are not reporting on her performance. People who are struggling at work often fear that admitting it will cost them their job.

Asking the direct question

If she opens up and says she feels hopeless, trapped or that she cannot go on, ask directly: Are you thinking about suicide?

That may feel like a lot to ask a coworker. It is still the right question. Asking about suicide does not plant the idea. It tells her you are willing to hear the truth and that she is not alone in it.

If she says yes, stay calm and stay present. You might say, I am really glad you told me. Let us figure out who can help right now.

Listen, do not manage

At work we are trained to solve problems quickly. Resist that here. You do not need to fix her workload, her boss or her home life. You need to listen.

  • Let her talk, and do not check your phone.
  • Ask what has been hardest, then wait for the answer.
  • Do not minimize: Everyone is stressed right now can feel dismissive.
  • Keep her confidence, except when her safety is at risk.

If she is in immediate danger, stay with her and call 911 or 988. Do not leave her alone, even to find a manager. Ask someone else to make calls if you need to.

If the danger is not immediate, help her take one step toward support. Offer to sit with her somewhere private while she calls or texts 988. Encourage her to contact her doctor, and offer to help her find time in her schedule for the appointment.

Many workplaces offer a confidential employee assistance program that provides free counseling. If yours does, you can help her find the number. Human resources can usually explain how to reach it without sharing her personal details. Let her decide how much to tell anyone at work.

You might say, Would it help if I covered your phone for an hour so you can make that call? Small, practical offers can remove real barriers.

Keep checking in, and mind your own load

After the conversation, act normal, and stay warm. Say good morning. Invite her to lunch. Send a quick message on a hard day. Ask, privately, whether she was able to connect with someone.

Do not become her therapist or her only lifeline at work. Encourage her to lean on family, friends and professionals, too. If you are a manager or work closely with her, ask your own human resources office how to support an employee without breaking privacy.

These conversations can stay with you long after the workday ends. You may feel anxious each time she is out sick, or replay what you said. That is a normal reaction to caring. Talk with someone you trust about how you are feeling, without sharing her private details. Your own employee assistance program, doctor or a counselor can help, and you can call or text 988 for guidance on supporting a colleague.

A workplace is more than a set of tasks. It is people who see each other every day. Noticing when one of them is hurting, and asking with care, is one of the most human things you can do on the clock.

If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, call or text 988, the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, any time. In an emergency, call 911.